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The Bourne Identitty
No image description available (yet)
Directed by Marina Rosetta
Pablo DePablo
Produced by Marina Rosetta
Pablo DePablo
Studio(s) Areola Pictures
Starring
Marina Rosetta
Pablo DePablo
PSY
Adam Sandler
Paul Blart
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
Type Live Action
Genre(s) Action-Spy
Theatrical Release Date(s)
April 20, 2069
Country of Origin Thighland
Original Language English
Rating(s)
R
Runtime 2:00:00 approximately

The Bourne Identitty is an upcoming action spy film in creation by Marina Rosetta and Pablo DePablo, starring Marina Rosetta and Pablo DePablo as the two main protagonists. The film is set for a 2069 release date. The film, as well, was directed primarily by Marina Rosetta and Pablo DePablo, though orchestrated by Lumoshi.

Plot

Spoiler warning!
This article contains plot details about an upcoming episode.

In a post-apocalyptic society where anime tiddies have overrun all existing industries, two seasoned tiddie heist pros (Marina and Pablo) have settled down and reunite for one last job-- their biggest heist yet. To steal the Ultimate Tiddie from the government.

The film immediately opens up with Pablo, Marina, and a fellow ally Seymour Jiggles (played by Freddie Freaker) raiding an anime tiddie factory. Their goal is to take as many anime tiddies as possible without being caught, as tiddies are a valuable delicacy in the post-apocalyptic world. Tiddies are scarce and the B.O.O.B.S. (Bureaucracy Of Overtime Breast Stealing) needs them for money. Seymour works as a lookout while Marina and Pablo grab as many tiddies as possible.

However, a night guard at the anime tiddie factory spots the three. Seymour alerts Marina and Pablo, and the two run out of the factory with a bag full of tiddies. Seymour, however, does not escape, and is captured by the tiddie manufacturers. Seymour resists the capture, and is shot and killed (Mmm Whatcha Say plays).

Marina and Pablo, traumatized by seeing the death of their friend, decide that their job is too dangerous. They call it quits on the anime tiddie stealing, and quit B.O.O.B.S.

Years pass. The tiddies industry becomes even more harsh and everyone struggles to survive. Then, one year, John Waifuson is elected as president of the United States. He, along with being president, is the CEO of the company which has monopoly over the tiddies industry. He, being rich, does not realize (nor care) that tiddies are scarce, and feels like 95% of tiddies should be dedicated to the government. He raises tiddie taxes.

Long Strong Dong (played by PSY), the leader of B.O.O.B.S., calls Marina and Pablo back in (as the brigade needs as many spies as possible) for one last big heist-- one that would net them both billions and perhaps save the world. They reluctantly accept the request due to the fact that they need tiddies and the tiddie economy is failing.

Meanwhile, Waifuson and his top men go over his plan to take tiddies from the poor to help build the Ultimate Tiddie, a tiddie incomprehensible by man which is capable of potentially destroying earth with its godly power. The Ultimate Tiddie is the epitome of huge tiddies, and is 30 meters tall. One of his many men opposes it, and the Ultimate Tiddie has the power to immediately turn him into dust. Waifuson, at this point, seems unstoppable.

In the city of Titopolis, Marina and Pablo meet Bartholomew (played by Adam Sandler), who is the widow of their old friend Seymour. After sharing a certain code with him, they are led to the secret B.O.O.B.S. underground base. They are greeted by Long Strong Dong, and also Paul Blart rolls by on his segway. The Ultimate Tiddie is described to Marina and Pablo, and everyone is preparing to set out and steal it. The cast of B.O.O.B.S. so far gears up (Bangarang plays) for their battle with Waifuson.

They ride in a cool concept car all the way to Washington, D.C. However, Waifuson's military discovers them on their way there, and begins to shoot from their several cars. There are lots of explosions in the chase, and basically the entire city is destroyed. Their car does a flip through the air, and bullets shoot back and forth and they all dodge the bullets in slow motion. Also, in extreme slow motion, bullets just barely miss someone's tiddies but they flopped fast enough to where they went between them.

So, they arrive in D.C. The car is wrecked and they have no lead. Then, they meet the three anime girls-- Ryuko Matoi, Asuka Langley Soryu, and Mikasa Ackerman (played by Megan Fox, Jerry Seinfeld, and Steve Buscemi respectively). They are all rebels to Waifuson who do not like being worked so hard in the tiddie factories. They all march towards the White House building with the mindset that they either succeed or they die.

With the help of the anime girls, they all sneak in dressed as workers wearing approved bikinis (the spy gear that they had brought along was used to stuff the bras) and look for files that may give information on the Ultimate Tiddie. Long Strong Dong decides that he will go straight for the room of Waifuson, while Marina and Pablo look for files in one location. The anime girls look in another location. Paul Blart and Bartholomew work as lookouts.

The anime girls quickly find files regarding the Tiddie, though Marina and Pablo get caught up in a fight upon being caught. The anime girls return and are caught up in the fight as well. Huge action ensues-- at some point one of them eats a McRib™ to remind the audience that the McRib™ is back. The guards are killed, and the group gets files. They all leave as quickly as possible.

Long Strong Dong, however, was caught up in a fight with Waifuson. They are close to evenly matched without the use of the Ultimate Tiddie, though Dong realizes that it is time for the group to leave. He flees from the battle with Waifuson, and they glare at each other on their way out. Waifuson is now hot on the trail of B.O.O.B.S.

At the gates of the White House, Long Strong Dong calls in an ex-B.O.O.B.S. agent named Albatross (played by the Feels Guy). He is an ace pilot and had stolen a cool plane for the group. Aboard the plane, the group reads the files. They reveal that the Ultimate Tiddie is going to be unveiled at an auction in Tokyo-- where the highest bidder gets the biggest tidder.

The group decides that they must fly all the way to Tokyo to stop the bid, but they are pursued by a plane from one of Waifuson's men. They deploy a machine gun and take the plane down, which makes Waifuson even more upset. Aboard the plane they decide to devise a plan. Bartholomew will bid the bare minimum to get into the auction, and Paul Blart will go along with him. However, Paul Blart will distract the guards so everyone else can get in. Long Strong Dong, finally, will go after Waifuson, wherever he is.

Once they arrive in Tokyo, they go through with their plan. Dong has to find where Waifuson is, as he is only on a video chat to the auction as he knows that his foes will be in Tokyo. Everything is going well, until Bartholomew turns on everyone. He says to Paul Blart alone that, because the Ultimate Tiddie is so powerful, it can not only take life-- but give it back. He plans to use the Ultimate Tiddie to bring his lost love Seymour back to life, as he has resentment towards Pablo and Marina for not saving him. Bartholomew takes out Paul Blart (Mmm Whatcha Say), and then goes after the rest of the group.

Meanwhile, Long Strong Dong finds Waifuson in a secret bunker and fights him. He seems to be losing and Waifuson has him at gunpoint, but he utters three sacred words. "Oppa Gangnam Style." Suddenly Gangnam Style begins playing and Dong moves at inhuman speeds, overpowering Waifuson. The battle seems to be going flawlessly for Dong, and Waifuson finally seems to be close to defeat. However, Waifuson makes a big reveal. The Ultimate Tiddie in Tokyo was a decoy, as he knew his foes would try to take it. The true Ultimate Tiddie was with Waifuson all along in the secret bunker.

Meanwhile back in Tokyo, the main group does not yet know that Bartholomew had turned on them and killed Paul Blart. In a stock room behind the auction, the group finds the decoy of the Ultimate Tiddie (though they are not aware that the tiddie is fake). They take it and run out, though they see Bartholomew escaping. They immediately see him break down about the loss of Seymour, and he reveals his true intentions as a traitor. He blames Marina and Pablo for his husband's demise.

Then, there is an action scene between Marina and Pablo against Bartholomew. The rest of the group at the moment is taking the Ultimate Tiddie away from the auction. Things get real gritty and there's major titties. Bartholomew is much more experienced in action, and he overpowers the two of them. Paul Blart, though majorly handicapped by the bullet he took from Bartholomew, comes riding in on his segway and runs over Bartholomew. He then collapses and gives the two a chance to escape. The mission of Marina and Pablo is now to find Long Strong Dong and aide him in the battle.

Back at the bunker, Waifuson reveals his second secret weapon. At first, it appears to be a simple body pillow of Rei from Evangelion, but he reveals that it can turn into a fighting robot. The Ultimate Tiddie is attatched to it, and the power of the Tiddie is unleashed on Dong.

Albatross takes Marina and Pablo directly to where the underground bunker where the two are fighting is. They both get out and enter the bunker, prepared to die for the sake of their mission. Immediately, the two of them see that the Tiddie Robot is sentient and attacking Dong to a point where he is almost out of energy. Waifuson, however, is standing behind the robot, watching it fight, and has not yet noticed the two of them.

The two decide that Pablo will fight the Tiddiebot and Marina will go to take Waifuson. Pablo attacks the Rei waifu pillow, and the machine shuts down, however the Tiddie is still intact. Waifuson is incredibly enraged over the fact that Pablo killed his waifu, and decides to use the power of the Ultimate Tiddie to make himself a god and destroy all life. He takes the raw energy of the tiddie and uses it to make himself incredibly powerful. His tiddies grow to amazing sizes and he glows red. He truly has become the tiddie master.

Feeling that Marina and Pablo have no way to stop him, he takes the tiddie using his strength and exits the bunker to unleash his power on the world. He goes to the top of Tokyo Tower. There, he activates the Ultimate Tiddie not knowing its raw strength. It destabilizes and, unless it is stopped, it will explode and destroy the entire world in ten minutes.

Marina, Pablo, and Long Strong Dong run after him and elevate to the top of Tokyo Tower in an attempt to stop him. However, it is futile-- he is too strong and the tiddie cannot be restabilized. They are all in fear as the world is about to be destroyed. Though suddenly, the anime girls show up with Bartholomew and Paul Blart at the bottom of the tower, along with the decoy Ultimate Tiddie. Bartholomew had a change of heart when he realized that Seymour wouldn't want him to turn on Dong.

The decoy Ultimate Tiddie, though still a decoy, has great power as well. Though it is not on the same level as the true Ultimate Tiddie, it has enough power to attack Waifuson and return him to normal. Also, though it takes a lot of energy, it is able to return the true Ultimate Tiddie back to normal to where it is not about to destroy the entire world.

The decoy Ultimate Tiddie is destroyed in the process due to its usage of such great energy. The true Ultimate Tiddie falls down from the top of the Tokyo Tower, and so does Waifuson. His last words are, "Rei-kun....we will reunite in Heaven..." He then is dead.

All of the heroes regroup at B.O.O.B.S. Long Strong Dong offers Marina and Pablo permanent positions as agents of the organization. They decline, though they accept a spot as fellow grandmasters of the organization. The anime girls also get positions as agents of the organization. Paul Blart takes the job of a trainer for new recruits of the organization.

As they don't have the body of Seymour, they cannot reincarnate him with the power of the Tiddie. However, they use its power to reincarnate him as a child version of Freddie Freaker, which Bartholomew adopts and names "Seymour Jr." As it is agreed that he showed great bravery and someone who helped in the action would be best for the new spot as president, Bartholomew runs for the role and wins the election. He does all that is possible to boost the economy of the anime tiddies industry.

The movie ends by showing up at the night sky, and showing Seymour as a constellation, smiling. Template:Endspoiler

Cast

  • Marina Rosetta as Marina Rosetta
  • Pablo DePablo as Pablo DePablo
  • Freddie Freaker as Seymour Jiggles
  • PSY as Long Strong Dong
  • Adam Sandler as Bartholomew Jiggles
  • Paul Blart as Paul Blart, Mall Cop (guest star appearance)
  • Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as President John Waifuson
  • Megan Fox as Ryuko Matoi
  • Jerry Seinfeld as Asuka Langley Soryu
  • Steve Buscemi as Mikasa Ackerman
  • Feels Guy as Albatross

Soundtrack

  • Gangnam Style by PSY
  • Bangarang by Skrillex
  • Whatcha' Say by Jason Derulo

Reception

Despite being seen as a generic blockbuster before release, The Bourne Identitty was a hit upon arrival, grossing a record breaking $720,000,000,000,000 dollars worldwide (due to inflation in the 2060s) and gained universal praise, being seen as an instant classic for all ages, even being chosen by NASA to be sent into space for extraterrestial life to be introduced to humanity.

Fantendo user Qwertty said, "This is the greatest thing ever created by humanity and I will watch it every day for the rest of my life!" And he was not lying.

Trivia

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