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Kirby Assassinates Pablo Escobar is a new release involving your favorite pink ball of cuteness and copyright infringement! He/She/It must go on an epic journey to assassinate Pablo Escobar with the help of his buddies at the Colombian SWAT Force.

DCB268FD-3781-4D93-9AAF-FE72D3300B97

This is the Box Art That was revealed at E3.

DEVELOPMENT:

This game is to be released on the Leapster L-Max in 400 B.C. The concept of the game was inspired by the first ever Kirby game titled “Kirby’s Dreamland”. Therefore the HARD VORE/Copy-Abilities were completely scrapped from the new release. The developers at HAL were hard at work brainstorming new ideas to replace Kirby’s main means of attack. They had sketches of using a sword or throwing domesticated animals but PETA soon intervened and due to legal issues...PETA has full ownership over Nintendo. Eventually after a workplace shooting likely caused by excruciatingly long work hours and very low wages had inspired the developers to slap a Glock on Kirby’s ass! Brilliant.

GAMEPLAY: The gameplay mostly consists of collecting cocaine, incapacitating foes and using the “KIRBstomp” ability to mash their brains into a thick paste, and listening to the sweet OST which is mostly just getting Li’l Pump and XXXTentacion really phukin’ high in a recording studio. There is also a large overworld with eight main stages. The stages are Frigid Forest (The Russian Nuclear Winter) Underground Railroad (A secret escape route to smuggle WattleDee’s out of MT. Dedede) China (Just the entirety of China...in one level.) Korea (The Northernmost regions) Twilight Zone (We shamelessly robbed Sega and we regret nothing.) Anarchy Acres (My favorite place in PUBG) Rule 34 (You gotta dodge that GAY SHIT) Drug Lord's Keep (Pablo Escobar’s mega mansion in Columbia.).

BUGS AND GLICHES:

  • If you enter in the Konami Code then the game will forever change your name to “NERD” and all NPC’s will address you by that.
  • Occasionally when a fatal error occurs, the screen will start flashing wildly and essentially be fatal to those with epilepsy.
  • Sometimes when you kill an enemy it will stay on-screen after death. Although the foe cannot interact with the environment in any way, it still continues to behave as normally. We eventually took this error and actually just made an entire game out it. We called it “Kirby Star Allies”.
  • If you skip all the dialogue in the Sans Boss Fight then Sans will quote “Kids like you...should be burning in hell!” The Leapster L-Max then overheat and spontaneously ignite, giving horrendous burn wounds to the victim who was playing this game. Speedrunners hate this one.

Main Characters:

Kirby: Has the powers of the legendary “KIRBstomp”, Has a trusty Glock, Has a Monster Foot Fetish!

Pablo Escobar: Is a Colombian drug lord, has many “friends” with large guns, Is the Final Boss, Has a trusty Glock, Learned the ways of the “KIRBstomp”, later becomes an ally to Kirby to fight a greater evil, likes candy.

Metaknight: Very meta and can’t stop using pop-culture references, still useless, is an emo Kirby.

King Dedede: HOT, THICC, BUFF, SEXY, CUTE, OWNS A FREAKING MOUNTAIN, also likes candy.

Hank Hill: The Co-op partner because of a collab, behaves sorta like Poppy Bro Jr except with propane tanks, really likes candy.

Kracko: Has a habit for snorting crack, you can sell crack to him for goodies, has an extreme fondness for candy.

Joshy: Has a big gun for shooting thingies, has a near-sexual candy fetish.

Marx: Was a bad guy but resigned due to plot-holes, praises candy as much as C O M M U N I S M .

Poopy Bruh Joonyor: Is a low-budget terrorist, did 9/11, has a nuclear warhead collection, got diabetes from eating candy.

Boss Baby/Sans: Is a raging homosexual, hates candy.

Colombian Police Force: Thinks Pablo is a big meany, will bust your ass if you have cocaine in your inventory.